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10 Questions To Assess Marital Abuse

Marital abuse is the silent sin that causes damaging emotional and/or physical pain in too many relationships.  Abuse in marriage involves a persistent pattern of behaviors to exercise control, power, and entitlement.  There are six types of abuse:  emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial, and time.  Shown below are just a few questions to assess possible abuse in a marital relationship.

1.  Do you feel like you have to “walk on egg shells” to keep your spouse from getting angry?

2.  Does your spouse criticize many things that you do?

3.  Does your spouse isolate you by trying to cut you off from family and friends?

4. Are you compliant because you are afraid to hurt your spouse’s feelings?

5.  Does your spouse give you the silent treatment to punish you?

6.  Is your spouse hypersensitive and easily insulted?

7.  Are you frightened by your spouse’s temper?

8.  Does your spouse blame you for their anger?

9.  Does your spouse do everything to win an argument?

 10.  Does your spouse rant about injustices that are just part of life?

Today:  I pray that you are able to answer “no” to all these questions.  If you answered “yes” to a question(s) and have concerns for your personal well-being and marriage seek help from a professional. 

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10 Qualities of Healthy Relationships


We all want good strong relationships.  Healthy relationships are fulfilling, enjoyable, and actually help our emotional and physical well-being.  Although not an exhaustive list, shown below are 10 Qualities of Healthy Relationships. 

1.         Servanthood.  Jesus came “not to be served, but to serve, in order to pay the price and free the world from the penalty of sin.”  Only with Jesus was it a one-way street.  In healthy earthly relationships—marriage, families, friendships--serving is a two-way street.  So if something is only good for one in the relationship that is selfishness, not servanthood.

2.         Forgiveness.  Hurts, disappointments, and mistakes happen in every satisfying relationship.  Without apologizing and forgiving, a grudge wall is built between two people. 

3.         Love or “Value.”  One of the best synonyms for love is value.  When two people value each other from a servant heart and not a quid pro quo stance, that relationship will thrive.

4.         Open Communication.  Totally open communication can be brutal, so avoid it. However, loving, open communication is vital in building a strong friendship.  Being able to share joys and frustrations, both individuals speaking and listening, neither person getting defensive over topics, is essential for healthy relationships.

5.         Self-control.  The Bible says a “fruit of the Spirit” is self-control, without it friendship in marriage, families, others, and life can be difficult.  Various forms of abuse, addictions, and significant personality issues are due to an absence of self-control.    

6.         Patience.  We all can struggle with impatience, driving a car, waiting at a restaurant, shopping, so imperfection with patience is normal.  However, exhibiting patience with others and daily life, is an essential attribute for two people seeking a healthy relationship.

7.         Mutual Respect.  Two people don’t necessarily agree in every area but they respect each other’s viewpoint.  Disagree yes, disrespect no! 

8.         Kindness.  Treating people with gentleness and thoughtfulness is at the heart of a wholesome person and makes all the difference in the world when it comes to a rewarding relationship.

9.         Laughter.  Life has enough drama!  Smiles and appropriate humor are a fundamental quality for any friendship.  Light-heartedness and fun are lubrication for potential friction in life as well as any relationship. 

10.       Commitment.  In society today, loyalty is often a missing component. Commitment means that two people work on their issues by having reasonable expectations and seeking solutions. Loyalty says, “I am not leaving and will work together with you for the sake of our relationship.”     

Today:  Assess all your relationships based upon the 10 Qualities and determine where improvement is needed. 

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Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote.  I pray the quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.  

“Love is patient, love is kind.  Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud.  Love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  First Corinthians 13:4-8