Couples Need A Marriage That Grows

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Steve Perry’s song, “Foolish Heart,” begins with the words, “I need a love that grows.”  Likewise, the positive mantra that happy and rewarding couples live by is, “We need a marriage that grows.”

Boredom and monotony can easily jeopardize the future health of every marriage.  Daily, your marriage connection is either constructively increasing or destructively dwindling toward failure.  Work hard and make your marriage a labor of love.  Be open and willing to express regularly the needs and wants you desire for more improvement in your relationship.

TODAY:  Although there are many aspects to every marriage, identify your most important need in one specific area to enhance your relationship.  Perhaps share your goal with the “I” statement, “I wish we could begin strengthening our marriage by . . . . .” (April 19, 2017)

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DO A Daily Activity With Your Child

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Like everyone, your child will make mistakes and need discipline but equally important is DOING a regular activity.  Frequently, a child’s disobedience is the result of not enough interaction with their parent.  So DOING a daily or regular activity often will diminish a child’s misbehavior.

DOING an activity with your child increases love and that increases self-respect and that often increases more responsible behavior.  Please evaluate your activity interaction compared to how frequently you find it necessary to discipline your child.

TODAY:  DO an activity with your child:  kick a soccer ball, play a board game, shoot baskets, read a book together, play catch, ride bikes, etc. (March 29, 2017)

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Improve Life and Relationships: Try An Experiment

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Fear can paralyze us to not make any attempts to improve our lives and relationships.  The nineteenth-century theologian Soren Kierkegaard said, "To dare is to lose one's footing temporarily, to not dare is to lose one's life." So every improvement can only happen through taking a risk, and that can often be somewhat frightening.

One way to overcome fear with risk taking is to view every new attempt as an experiment. The very best thing with a successful experiment is the opportunity to improve an aspect of your life or relationships.  On the other hand, the good thing with every experiment is the result can never be failure even if the outcome is negative.  Every failed experiment is only temporary and provides feedback that we need to do something different with the next experiment.

TODAY:  Try an experiment in order to improve an area of your life or an aspect of a significant relationship. If successful, great!  If not, view the result as valuable data or information and try something different with a new experiment. 

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De-stress: What Does It Matter In 5 Years?

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. What was stressful or really bothering you on March 15, 2012?  Or what was stressful during the month of March 2012 or even the entire year of 2012?  I estimate that 95%+ of us cannot remember any specific stressful situations from the month of March 2012.

My point:  Whatever is stressful during this month of March 2017, we will not remember in five years.  Through prayer and with God's help, we will cope and handle the challenging situation just fine.  Most of our problems usually pass, the difficulty generally does not persist and stay with us.

TODAY:  With any stressful challenge ask, "WHAT DOES IT MATTER IN 5 YEARS?" and realize that in March 2022 we will probably have forgotten any concerns from today. (March 15, 2017)

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Experiences Really Make A Difference

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. A good goal for bringing more joy, contentment, and happiness to our life is to create memorable experiences.  In fact, a research study found that people who spent money on experiences rather than physical things were actually happier than those who focused on purchasing items, whether expensive or inexpensive.  Look back over your life and ask, “What happy moments do I really remember with fondness?”  I think your answer 95%+ of the time will be your individual and relational experiences.

Hence, design memorable experiences both personally and relationally.  Find fresh, exciting individual experiences; create wonderful, new experiences with your spouse; have regular or weekly experiences with your child; and find new sightseeing or vacation experiences. Material things don’t last but memories of experiences last a lifetime.

TODAY:  Begin developing your own list of future experiences that you want to enjoy in life either by yourself or with others. (March 8, 2017)

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Honor Your Spouse and Others By LISTENING WELL

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. God commands children to “Honor your father and mother” and God tells parents to “not embitter” their children.  What is the very best way to “honor” and “not embitter” a spouse, child, or parent?  LISTEN!  When we listen well to our spouse or anyone, we are honoring them by conveying that “You are my Number One Priority, not just one of my many activities, and I will listen to you!”

Here are some thoughts on how to listen effectively.  Look the person directly in the eyes; ask questions for better understanding; do not interrupt; remove any distractions; suspend any judgment; and summarize often the content of what was said.

TODAY:  Be a wonderful listener throughout the day with everyone and help them feel special, valued, and number one in importance. (March 1, 2017)

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Disagree Yes, Disrespect NEVER!

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” and that begins by showing respect toward a differing perspective rather than attacking that opinion. A mature and logical spouse or individual can understand and value another person’s point of view, without agreeing, but also not attacking with character assassinations.  Whether marriage, family relationships, or citizens in a society, a relationship will only be healthy when both sides are smart and reasonable by respectfully recognizing both sides of a position.

Unfortunately, a disrespectful spouse or person will often criticize an opposing viewpoint by assigning a negative label in order to justify their position creating an even further divide in the marriage or relationship.  Frequently, the spouse or person throwing the “name-calling grenade” is immature, illogical and is the one who probably possesses an unhealthy perspective.

TODAY:  Be an intelligent, mature, and respectful spouse or person by having regard for a differing opinion through an attempt to understand the reasons for an opposite viewpoint while NEVER being disrespectful.  (February 15, 2017)

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Anxiety Is The Culprit

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Surprisingly, many life problems and relationship issues actually fall under the umbrella of anxiety.  Anxiety creates an internal “chaos” that produces personal and relational unhealthy behaviors, and eventual overall unhappiness.

Personal issues like fear of social situations, spending too much, obsessive/compulsive disorder, addictions, eating disorders, and difficulty with decisions usually stem from anxiety.  Relationship issues often created by anxiety are lack of affection, controlling nearly every relationship aspect, avoiding sexual intimacy, and dominating decisions.  Of course, these lists are not exhaustive. 

The goal of this post is not to “fix” anxiety issues but only to create an awareness of what is often at the core of life and relationship heartache.  When anxiety is present seek solutions to bring more contentment and joy to life. 

TODAY:  Learn to be uncomfortable with anxious feelings so eventually comfortable feelings and healthy behaviors develop in order to enjoy life and relationships even more. 

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Strive For Obedience NOT Control

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Almost every loving parent believes that a healthy parenting approach is to "control behavior." Instead, it is better to have the main goal be obedience.  Almighty God, the creator of our universe, could easily control every person's words and behaviors but God desires obedience that leads to Godly decisions.  Hence, similar to God's relationship with us, a healthy parent wants to strive for a child's obedience.

Beginning with the teen years, a child will spend a significant amount of time away from parents and face many temptations and tough decisions that will be made without a parent's input. To lead a child toward obedience, avoid giving orders and commands.  Instead, with important choices provide opportunities for good decisions.  The more significant choices made within the home, the more likely responsible, Godly decisions will be made outside the home.

TODAY:   Adopt a parenting style that provides choices in order to help a child become a healthy, Godly decision-maker.

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Healthy Behaviors Create Positive Feelings

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. With almost every unhappy marriage, one or both spouses have numb or empty feelings. The simple reason is a lack of positive behaviors and words on a daily basis.  When dissatisfaction is present, I often ask, “What caring actions and positive comments have you made toward your spouse in the last week?” and the answer is generally not good.

On the positive side, although feelings and thoughts are beyond our control, we can manage our actions and words.  Actions like attentive eye contact, hugs, kisses, kind gestures, compliments, saying “I am sorry” or “I forgive you” are all within our control. Actions always come first, and then loving feelings follow those positive words and behaviors.

TODAY:  Decide to begin serving and giving to your spouse on a daily basis with caring actions and encouraging words. (January 25, 2017)

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