Decision-Making Based On Facts

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. When faced with making a decision, separate FACTS from feelings.  “Feelings” decision-making is usually founded upon our assumptions or intuition.  For example, when counseling premarital couples I tell them that, “Marriage is an intelligent (factual) decision, not an emotional one.” I always suggest the two of them objectively evaluate their future spouse’s virtues and flaws.  The reason:  Failed marriages are often the result of a “feeling” choice.

Definitely like you, I am human and do make mistakes.  Unfortunately, when I made poor choices over the course of my life, the main reason 90% of the time was due to basing my decision on feelings rather than FACTS.  In the future, we can change most of our poor choices by assessing decisions in a factual manner.

TODAY:  Begin writing down the FACTS in a “Pros” and “Cons” manner with all major decisions. (January 11, 2017)

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Provide Opportunities for Failure

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. The natural instinct for loving parents is to protect their child from pain and failures.  Certainly, success is really enjoyable, while failure is not as much fun and even somewhat painful.  Yet, it is true that your child and all of us learn more from setbacks than successes.

During your child’s formative years, you want your child to have failures and experience some anguish. So many activities throughout their life are competitive in nature, passing classes in school, getting into a trade school, being accepted to a college, or finding the right job.

Hence, allow your child to join sports teams like golf, volleyball, soccer, etc. as well as tryout for other school activities or programs.  Through participating in various pursuits, your child will hopefully experience a few successes along with some beneficial failures that thankfully may help your child become successful in life.  Childhood failures usually assist in building resiliency and strengthening character, and most important, make your child even more determined to never give up in life.

TODAY:  Begin finding a variety of activities where your child can compete in order to experience both successes and failures. 

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Handling Christmas Stress

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. It is true that life without holidays can be overwhelming and stressful.  Today we may be thinking this is the most important Christmas ever and it has to be perfect.  However, what were three gifts you received last Christmas?  What do you and I really remember from past Christmases?  My point: Christmas won’t really matter one month from now, so relax and tell yourself, “This Christmas will be good enough.”  What we will remember is what we did with others.

I have several thoughts on handling Christmas and holiday stress:  be realistic and create memories of closeness; view the remaining Christmas and holiday season one day at a time; and make time for things you value.  When things don’t go quite right or turn out exactly as planned, maintain a sense of humor, laugh out loud, and look for positive aspects in the “closeness” facet of the holidays.

TODAY:  Create your own “Peace on Earth” and focus on glorifying God in Jesus Christ, family closeness, church celebrations, and adding value to others. (December 21, 2016)

 Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

A Personal Goal: Be Agreeable and Cooperative

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. How agreeable and cooperative are you?  Patience, compromise, being helpful, embracing the ordinary, simply saying “It is good enough,” are all qualities of an easygoing person. And more than intelligence, money, background, similar interests, etc. what creates a gratifying marriage are two spouses who are both agreeable and cooperative.

I understand that being easygoing is hard work for all of us.  Yet, when we are relaxed, laid back, pleasant, and courteous, we not only make our marriages happier we also improve our emotional and physical well-being.  On a daily basis, strive to be an accommodating, supportive person and spouse.

TODAY:  Find a book, podcast, CD, YouTube video, etc. for self-improvement in order to become a more agreeable and cooperative person and spouse.  (December 14, 2016)

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Three Healing Words: "I Am Sorry"

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Three essential healing words for all relationships are “I am sorry.”  Unfortunately, I estimate that in ninety percent of homes, those three soothing, restorative words are rarely used for repairing relationships. So saying those words, “I am sorry” may feel unfamiliar and even uncomfortable for most of us.

When we say “I am Sorry” we are either saying “I made a mistake” or “I was wrong.” Accepting responsibility for a fault is very hard for all of us because that requires humility. Without two spouses willing to say “I am sorry,” a fully satisfying marriage will be difficult.  However, when the phrase, “I am sorry” is used by both spouses the likelihood for life-long happiness will significantly improve.

TODAY:  The next time you make a mistake or hurt your spouse’s feelings, heal your relationship by speaking those remarkable healing words, “I AM SORRY.”

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Create A Positive Attitude Within Your Child

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. A Positive Attitude is an extremely important quality for everyone to possess, including children.  Daily life will have ups and downs because life is simply not fair.  If we expect life to be fair we may have a negative attitude and be somewhat miserable.

Creating a Positive Attitude within your child is a primary, essential goal.  As a parent, be a positive role model, encourage your child to give a good consistent effort in every area of life, and help your child identify two or three positives from their day.  Regarding the positives, ask your child to identify what happened that created those positives.

TODAY:  And every day, find the positives in your life as well as encourage your child to be optimistic, confident, and a good finder with people and situations. 

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.” Thank you!

Daily Say "I Love You"

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. The three word phrase, “I Love You” takes less than one second to speak.  Yet, it is one of the phrases that matters most in your marriage!  When those three words are spoken infrequently, meaning not daily, then a marital relationship often starts the slippery slide toward serious trouble.

Saying “I Love You” to your spouse on a daily basis is essential for lifelong happiness.  In addition, communicating that significant “I Love You” phrase is not a “one way street” BUT an expression that must be initiated by both of you every single day of your marriage.  Marriage is hard work and one simple reminder of your strong commitment is a daily initiation of an “I Love You.”

TODAY:  And every day, personally initiate a minimum of one time, those magical words “I LOVE YOU” to your spouse and make them feel especially valued and loved. 

 Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.”  Thank you!

Don't Live In Denial

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Denial originates from either a lack of awareness or confused thinking about what is healthy or not healthy.  Most of the time denial is due to not being able to identify the "unhealthy" rather than a will not attitude.  Thus, it is a "Can't" identify, not a "Won't" identify unhealthy thoughts or behaviors.  Unfortunately, before the truthful realities of unhealthy words and behaviors become apparent, it is often too late and the extreme damage has already been done.

No matter what the reason, not recognizing major personal issues, addictions, unhealthy life/marriage/parenting thoughts, eating disorders, etc. may create a miserable personal life as well as produce painful relationships. A spouse in denial over controlling behaviors, extreme selfishness, an uncompromising spirit, or an uncooperative attitude, makes for a difficult marriage.  Or a parent in denial with unhealthy parenting ideas can create a lifetime of struggles for a child in adulthood.

By continually living in denial regarding unhealthy individual behaviors, spousal issues, or an unhealthy parenting style, your personal life, marriage, or child may be severely hurt for years to come.  If you have dissatisfaction with your individual life or marriage or your child is struggling in some area of life, before it is too late, make sure that denial is not the main issue with a particular problem.

TODAY:  Recognize how you may play a part in a personal life problem or a relationship struggle due to denial.  Then, avoid the trap of denial and seek ways to overcome those destructive, thoughts, words, or actions. 

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on my website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.”  Thank you!

Eat Meals At The Table

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. With every couple, child, parent, and/or family I counsel, I always ask about how mealtimes are handled by everyone.  Unfortunately, when a child, marriage, or family is struggling, I am often told that rarely are meals happening at the table.  Instead, individuals are eating in the bedroom, living room, or just standing at the counter in the kitchen.  Marriage or family meals at the table allow for positive conversation, excellent eye contact, and a strengthening of family ties.

I have found that a happy marriage is a major challenge when couples are not eating together.  In addition, one research study found that children learned a majority of their life and faith values during mealtime discussions at the table.  So if family members are not sitting together at the table for meals, there is often a disengaged family and a significant lost opportunity for discussing life and faith values with a child.

It makes no difference if only two family members are home or if you are only having sandwiches and chips, a major goal is to have meals at the table as often as possible.  Always avoid discussing any problems so your meals together will be positive times.  Turn off the TV, remove all technology gadgets, have light-hearted conversation, and perhaps share one or two positives from the day.

TODAY:  Begin having marriage/family meals at the table and enjoy making an eye-to-eye heart connection with your spouse or other family members.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on my website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.”  Thank you!

Enhance Your Marriage: Be An Initiator

Every Wednesday I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on marriage, parenting, or life. Sadly, I have heard some form of this comment numerous times, "My spouse rarely initiates anything positive with me and that is extremely disappointing and hurtful."  When a spouse stops being an initiator of encouraging words and actions that usually leads to the disease of complacency and complacency is one major factor that creates marital unhappiness and sometimes eventual failure.

The Bible states, "Love your neighbor as yourself" and your closest "neighbor" is your spouse. Loving your spouse requires an initiation of a meaningful behavior or an encouraging comment.  Initiation is one major quality possessed by every healthy spouse so work very hard at being a wonderful daily initiator with both words and behaviors.

TODAY:  Be a healthy spouse and initiate a compliment or a hug or a kiss or a conversation or hold your spouse's hand or say "I love you" or say "Thank you" or suggest a date for next weekend.

Please be sure to “Like” and “Share” when you visit my professional Facebook page so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “Categories.”  Thank you!